“Don’t tell me that you love me if you can’t understand my needs, wants and desires. Don’t tell me that you love when you can bring everything in the world except peace in my life. Don’t tell me that you love me when you know about everyone except me.”
This is what goes through the mind of people who have suffered the wrath of toxic love and toxic relationships. These relationships may feel like the whole world for you but they aren’t. You give everything in your power to make it work but you fail.
If love makes you feel drained instead of energized, if love makes you feel like everything is your own fault, then what are you doing with your life?
Today I am going to discuss with all of you about toxic love that may exist in your relationships with your friends, loved ones or your family.
Signs of Toxic Relationship
According to a website in Google, a toxic relationship is one that has unhealthy dynamics and causes you distress or harm because you’re unsupported, manipulated or disrespected.
Every relationship goes through ups and downs but there is something about these relationships that involves only giving, not taking. That involves sacrifices, not adjustment. That involves pleasing the other person more than taking care of your own needs.
You don’t feel safe
This is the first sure shot sign of toxic relationship. Your instincts warning you not to trust the toxic person when you want to trust them wholeheartedly. You want the relationship to be like say, a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship where you trust the love your boyfriend, trust them , blush while standing next to them but you can’t because you have already became embittered with your relationship.
2. You have bad or non-existent communication
This is one of my personal experiences that I am sharing with you, I fell in love with my boyfriend , loved him with all my heart but I couldn’t open about anything at all in the end. All he did was call me at late nights, saying that “ I am busy with the organization of an event. I was busy hanging out with my friends. They know nothing except me. That is why I was busy , my love.”
If you have experienced anything like this, then congratulations, you are in a toxic relationship. I never knew love until one of my friends turned up for me at my book signing session , all the way from Kolaghat to Jodhpur Park in Kolkata which involves a journey of say about 2 to 3 hours bus or probably then taking a auto or some walk to reach the destination. She admitted that she didn’t want to come, she was feeling lethargic but she did it only for the sake of my happiness.
If you ever experienced such kind of gestures then don’t quit on the person who worked all the way up the ladder to be with you, be it small or big. Be grateful for such blessings in your life.
3. You don’t receive empathy
If you have to work with a blister from burning your foot, instead of rest, all you are asked to do is clean the house. Is it what you call, empathy? Or what do you call it adjusting for your loved ones? If your loved ones cannot understand you in your sickness, do they really deserved to be called the loved ones?
Think about it for once, you will get the answer on your own.
4. You feel controlled or manipulated
If there is a tug of power, domination about the other person being more superior to you . If you ever feel like whatever you are doing is turning out to be wrong. If you always live under the guilt of visiting a café alone or doing something for yourself, you really love that is writing stories or poems and stuff. Then know that you have been controlled.
In case of manipulation, I know one thing for sure that everything is your own fault, for instance, you express your inability to attend the classes at college because of the other person’s tendency to take the keys of the house with them. It becomes your fault as if you haven’t attended the class as you choose to stay at home instead of leaving it unguarded.
5. You’re living in a cloud of rage
Toxic people often criticize, mock, or sarcastically speak with you. You feel like as if sharing about a good day or a good food is a crime. As if sharing about it will ruin the entire day’s good experience in one go. It is one of the examples of walking on an eggshell. Hiding about the good news, bad news, everything in one go.
Not only the toxic person uses their rage as a supreme power, but the other person suffering from their rage also suppress their anger and suffer from various stress-related issues including migraine, clenching jaws, skin diseases and so on. Living like this not only affects you but also your overall well-being.
6. Isolated from family and friends
Have you ever thought, what does it feel like to be with a person who constantly talks ill about your friends and family? Have you ever wondered about how you gradually isolate yourself from your once loved ones because you don’t trust them anymore?
Have you ever wondered why suddenly it took place only because of a presence of a person in your life, whom you love with all your heart and soul? This is a tricky part for a toxic person disguised as a loved one does you harm by wearing a mask. Its hard for you to believe others when you yourself are blinded by the love that is about to set you to ruin in the long run.
If you can relate to what, I have shared with you, do talk to your loved ones, clear the misunderstanding but never live in the confusion of what is right or wrong. Clearly, listen to both sides and reflect on your decisions.
7. Diminished self-esteem
If you ever feel like you can’t do anything in life because you aren’t good enough to do so, then check the people in your circle. Are there any such kind of people who constantly criticizes you, diminish your worth or make you realize that you deserve better?
Are these words spoken by the other person is truly out of love? Question yourself first, can a person out of love can constantly criticize or hurt you to make you cry? Think about it first because love involves clarity, not confusion. Love doesn’t make you feel bad about yourself.
8. Often taking the blame
If you ever survived a relationship where everything is your own fault, then it is a sure shot sign that you are in a toxic relationship.
Breaking a glass, your fault.
The other person is having a bad day after returning home from office, your fault.
Losing money on the way to home, your fault when you were not present on the way.
Sometimes, things can be your own fault, but not everything can be your fault. If a person constantly refuses to take accountability for their own bad behavior or decision, then you are not in love, but a toxic relationship.
To conclude this article, all I want to say is learn to step away whenever you are constantly losing yourself to please others. Love yourself first, respect yourself first but don’t chase lose yourself in order to please others.
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