If you open your Instagram especially the ones dealing with narcissist abuse, your Instagram feed must be filled with the reels related to this topic. Or your mind is trying to find ways to related to the topic of narcissism as people around you are in disbelief of what took place in your life. Sometimes, it is not even worth explaining.
However, the lessons learned during and after narcissist abuse is what makes you flourish in the later part of your life.
The top 4 lessons learned from a narcissistic relationship
You are your own priority
The first and foremost thing is you, you are the initiator of everything. It is a hard pill to shallow but it is true. The initial phase of a narcissist relationship is all roses and chocolates. It is all about the happy hormones that makes you addicted to the person but over time, the abuse takes over, you start to see you are the one reason for it, not the other one.
Any person can remain angry and abusive for a day. Any person can throw a fit of rage at you. But have you ever wondered what if it happens every day? Is it you or the other person? I hope it answers my question.
It is up to you whether you stay or quit the narcissist relationship. Sometimes, the monetary factors and the care of your kids play an important role in the process of making the decision. Again, think about is it worth suffering for the rest of all life, being helpless as the strings of your life is in someone else’s hands.
No one will ever fight for you until and unless you start to do it for yourself.
It doesn’t matter what others think of you
If you are a victim who has spend years of physical, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse, you know what it feels like to live in one corner, scared-stricken of what might happen next. One day, it is all about love, care and affection and the next day is all about the fire that scalded your skin.
You may have opened to your close family members and friends. Some may believe you. On the other hand, some doesn’t as they believe you to be wrong. It leaves a lot of self-doubt and guilt within you. Even after choosing a no contact especially in case of your family, people do judge you for what you choose to do. Remember always, let the people think what is best suited for them. Let you be the one holding your own hands tight.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you are right and the narcissist is wrong, you will never get the justice for what you went through, no one cares for you. No one will ever care for you except some good people in your life. You don’t need to prove, justify or explain. You don’t need to be the bigger person healing and repairing the relationship. You don’t need to prove yourself after you left the relationship.
The truth is no one wants to interrupt in the personal lives of others, they will do what is best for them. You will never get justice that you thought you deserved.
You need a company of good people around you.
If you want to grow in life and travel on a right track, then the most significant ingredient is to have a company of good people. The people who understand you and never judge you for who you are. People who can tell you in your face all your flaws are the one worth kept in your life. Sometimes, seeking professional help is a crucial part of restoring your mental well-being.
Always remember, the narcissist often try to mould you in their own ways, but your inability to do so is what results in years of abuse, neglect, and drama.
Forgiveness isn’t an option
All throughout my life, I felt disgusted for not forgiving the people for inflicting such pain in my life. I was almost guilt-ridden and lived my life in shame whether my anger is too much or is it justified. The huge upheaval was existing on my mind until I read Jeanette McCurdy’s book “I’m Glad My Mother Died” it is ok to never forgive an abuser. It is ok for you to never be the bigger person in life. If something is wrong, it is wrong. There is no explanation for what took place. At the end of the day, nothing will take away the pain and the grief endured by you while you stayed with the toxic person.
Conclusion
While some of the words may seem like a bitter pill to shallow but once you think about it, I am sure you can relate to each word that has been written in the article. It may feel like you are a selfish person with no heart to do what is right for you but it is better to live in love than in fear and hatred especially in a toxicrelationship. Move forward but never backwards in your life.
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